Why do things change after 40?
This entry was posted on 7/29/2006 11:51 AM and is filed under General.
Is it mid life crisis?
Nostalgia?
Or is it just that time erases the bad parts, leaving only the good for your most frequently recalled memories?
High school was okay. I was bussed into a high school in Houston, Texas attended primarily by the children of the rich. A lot of my classmates lived on the golf course, drove fancy cars from the time they were 16, and wore only the latest, trendiest fashions. The football heroes were the toast of the school and the pets of the teachers (okay, that hasn’t changed) and the cheerleaders and drill team were the ultimate conquest for a high school male with raging hormones. Still, we couldn’t all be the quarterback or date the cheerleaders.
So why do I look back on it as a good time?
Maybe because it was one of the last times when responsibilities were a minor part of my life.
Maybe.
I was lucky enough to form a few really good friendships in high school. I don’t keep in touch with all of them, but I do keep tabs on a few. Recently I lost someone I’d been good friends with since I was 14. It starts you thinking.
For years I worshiped the memory of a couple of girls who were the unobtainable dream for me in high school, or at least so I thought. It turns out they would have went out with me if I’d only asked.
And...if I’d asked...what would be different? I have a good career, one many people would be envious of. My wife is attractive, my kids stay out of trouble, mostly, and my dog is well behaved.
Still, how would my life be different?
What if I had turned around in Algebra one day and asked the girl behind me out?
She probably wouldn’t have said yes, if I remember right she was dating a college guy, but...maybe...
I’ve spoken a lot to one of my high school fantasies (isn’t the internet wonderful) and she has let me know the only reason she didn’t say yes was because the question was never asked.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
At least I would have had the memory to look back on even if it hadn’t worked out.
So am I unhappy now?
I don’t think so.
But I’m not sure.
The old saying is that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, and I’ve found that to be true all too often but it still makes you wonder. I guess I just thought that in this 43rd year of my life I’d be at a different place. My life is likely more than half over and I’m not where I want to be. I’m not rich, although I probably am a lot better off than most of the people I started kindergarten with. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman I started dating at my 17th birthday party. I’m a successful trial lawyer and have handled cases across the U.S. and even consulted on cases around the world.
But I’m still not where I want to be, financially, professionally, or mentally.
I think I understand now why some men go “middle aged crazy”.
They’re looking for another challenge and don’t want to accept that they are on the back side of their life.
It’s easy to ignore and, once knowledge dawns, it’s extremely hard to accept.
